QUIP: Live simply. Love generously. Care
deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to
God.
- Feeling like Henny Penny – one person doing all the work
- A PIG is a pig if you feed it, but a HOG is a hog if you eat it
JOKES, FACTS, QUIPS, QUOTES & RECIPES
APRON... The History of 'Aprons'
QUOTE: “I've always believed that the most important people on the planet are the ones who plant the seeds and care for the soil where they are grown.” – Willie Nelson
QUOTE: “We all see what's happening with agriculture, what's happening to our small towns. They are going out of business. That's a direct result of the farm problem. We're still doing Farm Aid because it is contributing. It's doing a job.” – John Mellencamp (www.farmaid.org)
QUOTE: 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it
does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God..
It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to
describe the absence of God. God did not create evil.
Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love
present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes
when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'
Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein did write a book
titled God vs.. Science in 1921
FACT: A hive of bees flies over 55,000 miles to bring you one pound of honey. A honey bee can fly 15 miles per hour.
FACT: In 2008, Americans today consume 17.3 billion quarts of popped popcorn each year! The average American eats about 68 quarts!
FACT: The same chemicals that give tart cherries their color may relieve pain better than aspirin and ibuprofen in humans.
FACT: Lettuce is a member of the sunflower family.
FACT: Eggs age more in one day at room temperature than in one week in the refrigerator.
FACT: Banana's are about 99.5% Fat Free.
FACT: Pumpkins: Pumpkin seeds can be roasted. Pumpkins are used for feed for animals. Pumpkins are 90% water. Pumpkin flowers are edible. Pumpkins were once recommended for removing freckles and curing snake bites.
FACT: Straight from the cow, the temperature of cow’s milk is about 97 degrees Fahrenheit.
FACT: Peanuts are not actually nuts. Peanuts, like soybeans, are members of the legume family.
FACT: Farmers grow corn on every continent except Antarctica.
FACT: Pigs can't sweat. Pigs have no sweat glands, that is why they roll around in the mud to cool off.
QUOTE: "A whistling woman and a crowing hen, Is neither fit for God nor men."
[1850 Notes & Queries 1st Ser. II. 164]
QUOTE: "I'll change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!" Dolly Parton's character in 9 to 5 movie
QUOTE: "The most peaceful thing in the world is plowing a field. Chance's are you'll do your best thinking that way." Harry S. Truman
QUOTE: “A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.” - Samuel Butler
QUOTE: -"Ain't nobody here but us chickens" - Song lyrics, Louis Jordan
QUOTE: -"The Sky is falling!" - Chicken Little
QUIP: Your fence needs to be horse-high, pig tight and bull strong.
JOKE: EAT THE WATERMELONS... a farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. the farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! One of these watermelons contains cyanide!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch as week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but find another sign that reads "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
JOKE: A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid hi farm of animals...so he went to every house in town. To the houses where the man is boss, he gave a horse, to the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "NO, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
JOKE: Why does the milking stool have 3 legs....because the cow has the udder! ha, ha
JOKE: Why
don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
JOKE: What do you call a cow with a crown? Dairy Queen
JOKE:
This is cute
Basic Cow
A farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he
saw advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the salesman
which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed
the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared 'This isn't the price I saw
advertised!' The salesman went on to tell the wise old farmer how he was
getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires, etc. And
that was what took the price up. The farmer needed the truck badly, so he paid
the price and went home.
A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, 'My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I have a few cows, and would sell them for $500.00 a piece. Come look at them and take your pick.' The salesman said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer's cow, the tow decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500.00. The farmer said....'now, wait a minute, that's not the final price of the cow. You're getting extras with it and you'll have to pay for that too.' 'What extras?' asked the sales man.
Below is the list the farmer gave the salesman for the final price of the cow...
BASIC COW...... ....... ....... .......
......$500.00
Two tone exterior....... ...... ....... .......$
45.00
Extra stomach........... ....... ...... .......$
75.00
Product storing equipment......... .......$ 60.00
Straw compartment..... ...... ...... .......$120.00
4 Spigots @ $10 each........ ...... .......$ 40.00
Leather upholstery...... ...... ......
........$125.00
Dual horns........ ........ ...... ...... ........$
45.00
Automatic fly swatter.. ...... ...... ........$
38.00
Fertilizer attachment.. ...... .......
........$185.00
GRAND TOTAL............................. ..$1,233.00
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TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL IF YOU'RE A FARMER
You may be a farmer if...
1.You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket, plastic or metal.
2. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide
rate, andyields on a rental farm from 10 years ago, but struggle to recall your
wife's birthday.
3. You can tell the difference between the smell of a large hog facility, a
cattle feedlot, and a chicken confinement building in two ii whiffs or less.
4. You know cow pies aren't made of beef.
5. You have enough farm caps to match every shirt you own, but you only wear
one so you don't get the others dirty.
6. You try to convince your wife that an overnight, out-of-state trip for
parts is kinda like a short vacation, and a seed plot dinner is a fun night on
the town.
7. You have used a tractor with a loader as scaffolding for painting or roof
repairs, and have put an old 16- foot ladder in the loader scoop to get
at the real high places.
8. You've used the same knife to make bull calves into steers that you use to
peel apples.
9. Over 50% of your clothing came from feed, crop insurance, seed or implement
dealers.
10. If you were given a million dollars, you might farm differently, but you'd
keep on farming, because that is who and what you are.
EASTERN SHORE FARMER STORY
A man owned a
small farm on the Eastern Shore . The Eastern Shore of
Maryland Wage &
Hours Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help
and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them",
demanded the Agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me
for
3 years. I pay him $400.00 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $300.00 per week
plus
free room and board. There's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours
every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10.00 per week, pays his own room and board, and I
buy him a bottle
of Bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife
occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to.....the half-wit", says the Agent.
"That would be me", replied the farmer.